whitepajamas:

[On passing his driving test.] 
Jeremy Clarkson: When he said - the man, whatever he was, the instructor - the examiner - when he said, “Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you’ve passed,” what I heard was, “Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you are the best driver I’ve ever seen in my life!” And so you can imagine my surprise, thirty-six hours later, to find myself, in a field, surrounded by sheep that were no longer alive, and bits of what used to be my mum’s Audi! 

(via hooloovooo)